“I’m a real Girl!”
When I’m in a public place I feel like I’m looking at the Grand Canyon. I can’t help but stare at all the human people. They are so real. I never thought non-Mormons could lead happy normal lives. I was always told they were really miserable. I find them so fascinating. I feel like a spy. I can talk to anyone I want now. I can make friends! It’s a terrifying exhilaration.
I have lost about 5 LBS in the last three weeks. Coincidentally around the time I left the Mormon Church. I’m so happy that I have on many occasion been caught dancing at the YMCA. I mean literally dancing on the treadmills. I’m dancing all the time. Shaking my bootie, Bobbing my head, and lip singing the words. Even music sound sweeter. I’m not a child anymore. I’m 26 and I’m an adult now. I’m a part of a beautiful world full of wonderful people. I can date whoever I want, drink whatever I feel, and work whenever I need. I can wear clothing I like and someday maybe even enjoy the nether of a Man. Would you believe me if I told you two months ago I was in a mental hospital?
The doctors had no idea what to do with me. I was in the hospital for severe depression. They couldn’t figure out what kind of depression I had. It was odd. Every morning in group therapy people would share their tragic life stories. I would start talking and the conversation always went back to the Mormon Church. I told my therapist once how I bought a dress but it did not have a sleeve on one shoulder…
“I mean it’s for salsa dancing. It’s not slutty or anything. It’s red. It goes down to my knee actually. I just love it! I look so good. It’s a little tight but don’t worry no cleavage. I mean it’s not super revealing or anything. It is missing a sleeve on one side but I don’t feel super bad about that because it is a sport. Dancing is a sport. I have had a few nightmares about it. It only has a sleeve on one side. I swear it is not a slutty dress.”
Here I am in a room full of seriously tragic souls and I’m freaking out about a dress missing one sleeve. Even the therapist was I little taken back.
“Honey, You don’t need to justify anything. We won’t judge you for buying any dress.” Said my therapist
I was so shocked. It never occurred to me that people might not judge me for wearing a dress without a sleeve. It took me a few weeks but eventually I did ware that dress. It was liberating.
I have been a recovering Mormon for three weeks now. Last night I tried something very scary. I found a website that advertised meeting new people. They were all meeting at a bar with alcohol in it. I cannot hold my liquor so I order a coke and tried very hard not to mention I was a Mormon.
“A Coke?,” said a clueless man, “What are ya a Mormon?”
Gosh Damn it! I just pretend I didn’t hear him. I was going to fit in tonight. I had never been at a social event with so many people who were not Mormon. I almost left after I got some rather unwanted attention from a Ex-Wife murder/drug dealer. I was going to call it quits went I noticed a group of seemingly normal people. “Okay, I thought. Just go!”
They were all terribly nice. Of course I couldn’t hide the Mormon thing but I could tell they would not judge me. In fact they were very interested in my journey. They all seemed to relate. I guess it is a common story. Becoming who you are and not what is expected of you.