Sunday, April 7, 2013

Dating with a capital D

When I first realized Mormonism was no longer a part of my future the first thing that came to mind was Dating with a capital D.  How on earth would I make it in the real dating world?  I can’t relate?  It is just not possible.  Mormon Dating and Real World dating are so different aren’t they?  I guess I have never tried it before.  I had in my head this idea that men outside the church are sex crazed, unfeeling, snot wielding, non-committal two bit looser who NEVER even served a mission! However, I knew I did not want to marry a Mormon and so the only guys left were(dun! Dun! DUN!) Non-Mormons.

As I contemplated this idea, I remember the saying, “The common denominator in all you bad relationships is you.”  I've had bad luck dating… Mormon guys.  I've always been loving, supporting, honest, sensitive, and the best partner I could be.   I lacked the Testimony.  I believed with a lower case b.  I didn't pretend I knew anything about the church.  I never had that warm fuzzy feeling. I talked the talk but I couldn’t walk the walk.  My older sister, who later left the church, often told me I had to just pretend I had a testimony to get a husband.  That was what she did.  She went to all the meetings, and played nice with the institute teacher, and lugged her quad everywhere.   I may be an actress but I can’t do that.  Acting is about being genuine and yourself.  So no parading around my Young Womans Medallion for me.  

As for sex well....Yes. I have made the decisions to have sex before I get married.  I will tell you why my friends.  When I was briefly in Utah being dumped for not having a strong enough testimony I made an online dating account.  I noticed many of the men were divorced after about 5 years of marriage.  When I moved to where I am now I notice, at least online, most men were just single. They had two or three year’s relationships behind them.  Now I’m no expert but it seems to me that we are all just trying to find love.  Some people nail love down a lot faster than others but in the end if it is real it will stay.  Why should I let my sex drive pick my companion for me?    Why not live and let live…pick my partners carefully.  Get all the evidence before.  I need to be careful. I won’t sleep with anyone until I know I’m ready.  Maybe I won’t at all.  I can’t imagine letting a guy see me…naked. … gross! Anyways I will keep you posted. 

1 comment:

  1. Yes leaving the church can be a very scary process, especially in the dating scene. I left the church when I was 20 years old and was completely lonely. Most of my friends were LDS and it was just not the same hanging out with them anymore. I felt like my dating life would now be completely hopeless and I would never find someone who understood my situation. But I eventually found a sweet girl that shared a lot of the same values as me and didn't care about whether I was a RM or current priesthood holder etc. Basically what I am saying is that the world is a huge magnificent place filled with all kinds of people that you are bound to find someone. Don't let the fears of loneliness bring you down and keep an open mind and eye. You will be surprised at what the World has to offer.