Saturday, April 6, 2013


I came home and saw a letter addressed to my little sweet sister who I love so much.  She is 20 and is getting married in the temple.  I think she is too young but I did my sisterly duty of being the overbearing fear monger.  I do believe her and her fiancé will make it.  I know a little bit about the temple marriage ceremony and even tho I think it is weird...I am happy for my sister.  The letter was addressed from The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  A logo that used to bring me comfort now only brought me anger and resentment.  Many thing contributed to me leaving the biggest reason was I felt lied too.  So I snatched it and opened it.  I was going to find the clue.  Another reason to fuel my anger. I never would have expected what happened next. 

The letter was about her getting her endowments out.  They congratulated her.  Told her how wonderful this day would be.  Telling her the time, and date, and what to wear. It was written with love.  They called the temple The House of The Lord.  I had forgotten how much the temple means to Mormons. It is a special place.  Then I really lost it.  On the next page was a map to the temple and there was a road that was highlighted. It was highlighted by hand.  I instantly thought of the sweet old lady who was highlighting all the maps by hand because she loves the temple so much. I could see her pail face and the slight hunch she had developed highlighting map after map after map. 

That slightly crooked yellow line was the end of the line for me.  I had not cried until now. In my room silently sobbing so my parents wouldn't hear.  “I will never be married in the temple.” I thought.  The only one in my family not to kneel at the alter and look at those eternal mirrors. 

Mormonism was something that set my family apart.  We were not better we were different. There is good in the community of the church.  I am so close to my family and even tho my extended family thinks we are all nuts(parents converted) Mormonism had brought us together. No, I don't agree with the teaching. Sure it isolates me from the world, but I love my family more than the world. How can I leave all this behind?  

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