Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Back From the Dead

You may have noticed my blog has been silent for a while and you probably thought I was dead.  Well I very nearly was!  7 months ago I got a horrible Migraine that was unrelenting. It lasted a day... then a month...then five months.   The word Tumor was throw around by my doctors.  Every day of my life was agonizing pain.  I fell into a suicide depression. I almost lost my job and my life.   Luckily with the help of Web MD I was able to correctly diagnose myself with Cluster Headache also knows as "suicide Headaches".  Can you guess why?

Luckily the treatment is working.  My eye sight has returned and I am ready to take on life again.  Much like our fabled father I have raisin. So much has happens in the last 7 month. I will bring you back up too speed.

The most interesting development was that of a man I thought I hated...

Something happened and only one person would have the info I needed...my Mormon Ex-boyfriend.  A man who I have resented for about 3 years.  I have called him a lot of names on this blog but now I will call him Alec.  Alec was the guy I moved out to Utah for in a desperate attempt to find eternal bliss. Like many 26 year old single Mormons I sadly made my trek to the breeding ground.  If I didn't marry Alec I was going to find another Mormon to marry. I had too. My Mormon life depended on it.  

The thing I hated most about Alec was that he saw through my bull shit. He called me out for swearing.  He judged me for not serving a mission or wanting too.  When he dumped me he told me it was in part because he worried I might drink Alcohol someday.  I was not living up to the churches standard for me and deep down I liked it that way. 

When I unblocked Alec on Facebook I was expecting to see him in a white shirt and tie. I pictured him standing by his lovely Mormon wife holding their lovely new born baby. I imagined his page riddled with Elder Bednar quotes.  What I was not expecting to see was Alec wearing ladies makeup covered in rainbows with purple hair. Turns out my Mormon-Ex is now an Ex-Mormon.  All these years I resented Alec because he got to live the Mormon life. I loved being Mormon. The choice to leave I felt was forced on me. The "shit or get off the pot" mentality. Either get married and be Mormon, or question everything.

Reconnecting with Alec helped me let go of the jealously. The frustration that I could not blindly kneel at the alter and let the prophet tell me everything I need. Apparently Alec and I were both fighting the same fight.  Alec now live in Portland Oregon and is exploring who he is.  He luckily married a beautiful woman who saw through the bull shit and they left together. Alec is now one of my favorite people to talk to when the church pisses me off. He is a really great guy.  My anger toward the church was made into an Alec effigy burning with hatred. Sorry Alec, you were actually the perfect last Mormon boyfriend.