Inciting Incident

“are you okay? You sound bad.”

  “yeah…. but I think… I… can’t stop shaking or crying cuz guess what?!  I spun out on the highway again and almost crashed. Hahaha!”

  “You what!? Are you in shock!”

“haha……Yeeeah”

  “I’m coming right now!”

My sister and I always look out for each other.  I had just experience the worst week of my life.   I had gotten in a car wreck a week earlier. A bad one where I really could have been killed. The next night my “Good Mormon” boyfriend who after a 3 months of manipulation, mind games, got the balls(or barrowed them) to tell me the truth.  He had asks me to move out to Utah from NYC.  Then two days later I was fired from my sketching “Marketing Manager”,  Job by a man who spent most of his time playing pin-pong with his Junk in his office.

A week later I was driving on the freeway. I was panicking.  I was trying to find my friends Singles ward.  I needed people.  I needed the distraction. I needed to walk into a church and cry in the bathroom as was norm for me.  Then I need to clean off the tears smile my ass off and make friends.  Just fit in.  It was hard because I was always acting at church.   I was doing everything I was supposed too.  It just felt wrong. Friends! You can’t make friends in the real world but you can make friends at church. I need to just distract myself from this nagging feeling.  Something is wrong. Yeah, so what I didn’t feel anything in the temple.  I’m just depressed.  So what if I don’t understand the Book of Mormon.  This is my life and I love it.  I love being Mormon.  I can be goofy.  Board games, innocents, dances where people just dance for fun and not to get laid.  Why do I have to live in UTAH? Well,  I have to get married. I can’t get into heaven without it. Or I will have to share with like 10 other woman.  I’m safe in a church.  I can’t leave. I won’t survive out there alone.  Even if it’s not true I must stay.  I don’t understand non-Mormons. Where the hell is this God Damn Church building!?

SKREEEEEEECH!!!

  I don’t know how it happened but the next moment I was spinning on the freeway. Around and around. As I spun my body relaxed. I instantly accepted my impending doom.  It seemed like a good time to go.  For the second time in a week the sting of burnt rubber filled my lungs.  My car stopped an inch away from the cement bearer.  I sat there and stared at the wall that was to save me from myself.  I would have rather died in that moment then have faced life again under the pressures of a Mormon.