Friday night and I was alone but in the spirit of changing my life for the better I grabbed my guitar and headed to an Open mic night. When I got there the crowed was a healthy mix of 40 something’s and swamp people. I quickly got a “Text” and ran! Down the street was the bar where I lost my GINity(get it;) I sat down alone trying not to feel out of place. Sexy Jake was working. He was the one who fix me my first drink. He got me a glass of white wine. I just sat there at the bar alone lapping up the drink slowly; thinking about how much life sucks right now. Jake my bartender/therapist or bartenapist noticed my obvious forlorn demeanor. As he was cleaning glasses and taking orders he yelled to me, “How’s the church thing was going?”
“Terrible,” I yelled “I don’t fit in your world! I don’t get it.” Then I told him about a guy I kind of liked. A really cool guy. I wanted to date but thing were moving faster than I was used too. “It was only the third date and I just couldn’t make out with him that fast. Pulse I don’t know where it would take us or what it means. Now he barley text me at all. I don’t get it Jake. I don’t know if I can make the transition out.”
Jake served the last shot to what looked like a 21 year olds birthday party and then leaned over the counter, “You got to stop thinking you are so different from everyone else. You are not! Yes, your experience growing up was different”
“Yeah different as in I know nothing. ” I said
“Different but that is who you are. He knows your situation and if he can’t handle it..meh. You can only be you.” He said
“But it’s hard. Maybe I should just go back to being a Mormon.” I said
“Look! you will be miserable if you go back, you will be miserable leaving. But you have to do what is right for you. You can’t just drown yourself in despair. You’re a big girl so take care of yourself. Oh, go easy on the wine tiger”
He was absolutely right. If anyone thinks I’m leaving the church because I WANT to live in the worldly world, they are WRONG. I’m afraid of these people! But I have to leave. I know in my heart that I don’t believe the teachings of Joseph Smith. I can’t raise my daughters in a church where marriage is her ultimate goal. I can’t raise my sons in a church that will expect him to spend two years on a mission. I can’t go back to church and pretended. It would do no good. Looks like I better learn how to swim.