Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Potty Training

Lazars were flashing, the music was blaring and I was wearing a little number I bought in New York City 7 years ago.  I was nervous to bust out my low drop tank top.  I bought it during my rebellious youth but never warn it.  Unsure the affect this top would have called my friend Jen to basically ask her permission.  I even packed another shirt just in case.  My Boobs looked amazing.  You never would have guessed I was a virgin from the way I was moving on the dance floor.  My friend Kate even pulled me aside to learn how to drop it like it’s hot.   I was among friends + one friend of a friend.  His name was Rodrigo.

After a few drinks I noticed Rodrigo noticing me.  The definition of tall dark and handsome.  Brazilian and beautiful.  After a few more drink I contemplated the existence and proximity of this man.  After a few more drinks I found myself more than contemplating proximity.   As a group we moved from one bar to the next, Rodrigo at my hips.  Around 1 am the group started to dissipate.  Kate had also made acquaintance with a man who was at her hips.  

I was beginning to sober up but most of my friends were still wasted.   I started to wonder what I was doing.  Who was this guy I kept kissing and why didn’t I care?  Rodrigo told me very specifically that he was going into the bathroom. 

“okay.” I said

He left…he came back and again told me he wanted to go to the bathroom. 

“fine.” He smiled and I smiled back.

A third time he came back slightly frustrated.  He said to me a third time “I’m going to the bathroom.”

“then go!” I said

“I want you to come with me.” He said

“I don’t have to go,” I said

“Come, please”, He said

“Is there a line?” I said.

 This time he looked deep into my eyes and smiled. “There in no one.  Meet me,”

“Oh God!” I thought.  I had seen this in the movies. Commode Coitus! I was no good in a bedroom much less a bathroom! As he was walking away I realized I was WAAAY over my head. Most of my friends had left.  Kate was still there with her hitch hiker.
“Kate!” I said with combination fear and adolescents “Um. I have never done anything like…anything.  How do you…what should I do?”

Kate just stared, “You okay?” 

I was trying to figure out a really cool way of saying “Help!  This man wants to do sexy times in the bathroom and I am no good with a pee pee. I should run and hide but he is very attractive!”

Just then Rodrigo came back from his fourth potty trip. He took my hand and started to guide me toward the bathroom.  I stared at Kate the way you stare up at a ledge after you have fallen.
“I think it’s time for me to go home.” I said abruptly. I left and he fallowed. We walked hand in hand back to my car.  God he was good looking.  And leaving to go back to Brazil in 12 days.  It was the perfect crime.  But he was friends with my friend Jack.  As we were walking back to my car I saw Jack and called out to him.  Rodrigo kissed me to stop the sound.  “Don’t call him over here.  I just want to be with you.”  Did I mention how incredibly handsome he was. 
We kissed all the way to my car. And in my car.  And I drove him home where we continued to enjoy my car. (tho it was totaled a week later)  After we enjoyed the car I told Rodrigo it was time for me to go home.  Then something happened.  Something I did not expect.  He said,

“Wait.  Can I get your number?”

My very first thought was “Why?” There I was naked with a man who was also naked.  And I wondered “Why?”.   As I drove away a small black hole formed in the pit of my stomach.  I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong, except maybe indecent exposure as my car windows were not tinted.  I’m sure Rodrigo had no intention to call me.  I was sure this was what the kids call a hook up. No sex but still sexy. So why did I feel so raw. Why? Why? Is this what I’m becoming? So detached? My mind was trying to sort tho what transpired in the car.  At one point Rodrigo asked me what I liked about him. I said “I like how sexy you are.” To that he asked “is that all?”  What if Rodrigo did like me for some odd reason?  Am I really that heartless?  I thought back to Rob and Seth. (See: Sleeping With the Enemy, and Great Sexpectations) I liked Rob sort of.  I really liked Seth tho I basically convinced myself not too.  Rodrigo… I didn't know him...Oh my.


  1. Dear Emma, so you didn't have sex with the sexy Brazillian- good for you! As exciting and "worldly" as it may have seemed, maybe that just isn't you, Mormon or not. So you reject the idea of noncommited sex- that isn't bad. Or abnormal. Or because you were born and raised Mormon. It's another one of the great myths perpetrated by the church that "only" Mormons have good morals, "only" Mormons raise beautiful, intelligent children with morals. That's about as real as the BoA.
    So you followed your conscience out. Again, good for you- you have your integrity, and your sanity. Maybe now what you see is even without growing up Mormon, you always would have become a good person with morals, and integrity.
    You could have married an RM after dating 3-5 months, and had the rest of your life defined by subservience to a priesthood holder, raising his kids and working yourself till you were numb in endless callings, all the while wearing a smile that eventually becomes teeth baring. Instead you want genuine love, not defined by the church, and a life that also isn't defined by the church. Odds are you'll find both, morals and all.

  2. Having bathroom sex is for some people...but personally I think it is trashy! And if Ricardo suggested it to you the he probably had done It before. I am glad you didn't go all the way with him. Although a HUGE high five for getting handsy with him in the car. You go girl! And you are going down old paths with feeling shamed. The brain likes patterns. Have sexy times, then feel bad. Have sexy time then feel bad. Have sexy time then feel bad. You have to force your brain into new patterns. It is ok to enjoy your body. Think about the clitoris, it serves no other purposes then to allow you to feel pleasure. So whatever way you want to take it. You can say option 1" We as females evolved to feel pleasure" or option 2"God designed us to feel pleasure."

  3. I think about when I wake up college girls are the best for me