Sunday, September 29, 2013

Unexpected Soul

I was finally starting to enter into a healthy non-mormon environment. I had a job offer.  I was making friends, drinking beer, learning about sex, looking for a co-ed apartment so I could move out of my parents basement when SMASH!  I was hit by a man going 45mph.  My car totaled, my guitar destroyed, and my head pounding. (see: Car Crash)  I have a bad concussion and have been on bed rest for over a month now.  My head still hurts.  I can’t really drive, I can’t read, and can barely write.  I normally love sunny days but the sun aggravates my condition so I stay indoors like a vampire.  I can’t believe after all my excitement to leave the Mormon community I have been thrown back into it.  A helpless, sexless, drinkingless, lifeless person.  At least that was what I thought.

For the last month I have had to “hit the brakes” (Pun intended) on my secular education.  tho this time is frustrating I have realized a few very interesting things.  At first I was angry. I wondered if God was punishing me.  A week before the accident I had met a man in a bar and attempted to give him a hand job in my car (a funny story I very much look forward to telling you about!) As I contemplated this theory I remembered the indent with my windshield (see: Waiting for Godot) Basically I learned shit happens, not always for a reason.  

 There were emotional triggers at first.  I can’t drink, can’t make new friends, can’t have sex.  Not that I was even close to having sex but I felt restricted.  Like I was back under the church’s church thumb.  A very few of my Mormon friends came to visit me.  Tho I was sickly and in bed they never failed to send me a text inviting me to church on Sunday.   Also a few of my secular friends came to see me which was extra special as they had to drive very far.

I spent the first two weeks watching stupid movies, cried and ate ice-cream.  I realized this this was temporally my life and I needed to make the most of it.  I started going to the library and instead of renting your run of mill Reese Witherspoon movies.  I checked out documentary, History’s, and travel DVD.  I learned about the McCain campaign and actually felt sorry for Sara Palin.  I marveled at the Taj mahal, and swam through Great Barrier Reef .  I experienced the life a standup comedian. I witnessed the horror facing Afghanistan soldiers.  I climbed Mt Everest.  I learned why Oprah is a Goddess to middle aged woman.  I watched the Hindenburg crash to the ground and I learned why it is a bad idea to keep a Viper as a pet.

Before this accident I felt empty.  I had lost my friends, my community, and my culture.  The brave history of Joesph Smith turned out to be an April fools joke.  The stories of the Nephites and Lamanites turned out to be just that…stories.   But as I educated myself I started to appreciate a new culture, a different community.  This community was much bigger.  Roughly 7 billion people.  This culture Full is of triumphs and tragedies.  These people were not just waiting for missionary’s to save them.  My only concern was the History of Mormonism and why it is wrong. I failed to recognize the splendor of what makes the world so right and wrong.  I look forward to getting better.  I think when I can once again grab a drink with my friends they will see me differently.   Someone whose soul goes deeper than the river Jordan. 

1 comment:

  1. Well, you couldn't stop the intrepid researcher in me from eventually finding your blog. I am glad that you are perhaps moving on from being too obsessed with the Mormon Church, although I understand it can be difficult. Most the people here in Madison are fairly laid-back, so I wouldn't worry too much what people think. Educating yourself about the wide world out there is one of the best things we can do during a "faith crisis." I see Samuel around a lot: we go to different churches's functions together; it's pretty fun.

    As to your apartment hunt, I wish you luck! I will probably be getting engaged soon, so a spot in my place could open up in the spring sometime. I know that you might not be looking to live with empty nesters, but the rent is the cheapest I've found, and the roommate isn't too "churchy."

    Feel better!