Saturday, July 6, 2013

White Pickett Future

His name was Blake.  He was funny and played guitar which are the only qualifications in a man your freshman year.  We would jam together and talk.  I think of all the people at BYU he was one of the few who I felt a connection too.  I wrote him while he was on his mission. Two days ago as I was cleaning and one of his letters resurfaced in my life. The letter read"

“I’m sorry you don’t feel like you fit in at BYU.  Yeah you are loud and funny but that is the best part of you.  You deserve to marry a nice guy who is a MEMBER of the CHURCH. Do not settle for anything less.“

 I really can’t imagine anything worse now.  Don’t get me wrong.  Mormon boys can be sweethearts.  But the expectations of being married to a Mormon are very high.  If you want to have kids…forget it.  You will have too many opposing ideas. Even many liberal Mormons still hold on to guilt about the way they live there life.  I’m slightly afraid of Mormon boys now.   I would be very conflicted if I fell for one.  Mormons are afraid of that too.  So many times I was taught you should never date someone who is not a member of the church, you might fall in love.  Oddly enough both Mormons and post-Mormons feel sorry for one another.

I’m learning to respect my friends wishes to stay in the church and never learn the history.  I want to shake everyone you know and yell “STOP! OPEN YOUR EYES! CAN’T YOU SEE YOU HAVE BEEN DOOPED?”  Mormons have been taught to never ever question the church outside the church.  They believe all on faith.  When I tell them my findings they always ask “What are your sources?”  I always want to shoot back “What are yours?  I could list at least 20 accredited Documentarians, Writers, Biographers, Anthropologist, and Historian’s.  Many of whom were Mormon.  You have one source…the church.”   But most of them are happy.  I don’t want to take that away from them.  It’s because I love them that I want them to be informed.  What if someday after they are married they learn about the Book of Abraham, or Joes wife’s and lose it! I know I would have.  Thank God I never got married. Now I can really find myself.  The prophets are correct about one thing.  If you ever study Mormonism outside of the approved sources it will ruin your life for a while.   Finding out the truth was absolutely devastating. 

I used to know what my life would be like. After achieving my dream of being an amazing something in NYC I would meet a lovely Mormon boy.  We would be sealed in the temple. We would move to the suburbs and buy a little house. I would be a stay at home mom for a while. I would have the perfect family with my priesthood holding husband, my future missionary son, and my virtuous daughter.  We would raise our kids to memorize BOM stories, pay tithing, and bare testimonies.  I would work in Young Woman’s as a teacher and impart my wisdom onto children about loving God, chastity, and finding yourself.  When I got older I would serve a mission with my husband.  We would be old and in love and everything would be wonderful.    Now when I think of my future...  Maybe I’ll work at Starbucks and get drunk every weekend.  I’ll get a tattoo of a skull on my lower back and take up Larping. Maybe I’ll marry a duck dynasty look alike.  He will smoke cigars and we will live in an abandon barn. Maybe he will cheat on me and I will only see our meth head son on the weekends. 

Why do I think this way?  I’m not Mormon, not insane! There is so much opportunity for me to build the life I want. I can meet people who will enjoy my company.  I’m a smart woman and I can take care of myself. It’s nice to know that I’m not settling.  Settling for someone who will find fault with everything I do.  Judge me for not enjoying three hour church. The restrictions of whom and how I love are gone!  If anything I’ve ensured myself a genuine shot at happiness because I can be myself.  There are so many good people out there who build you up not tear you down.  Maybe the key is not to envision your future, but to welcome it.  Focus on the things I love and build a community with people who share my interests.  Sure there is no guarantee Happy Ever After... but was there ever?  


  1. I always hated that quote/comment: "Don't date outside the church. You might fall in love." Might dad told me that allll the time. "You can choose to make your life hard or easy. Dating a nonmember will make it hard."

    0_0 I married a nevermo. I couldn't be happier with my decision.

  2. That is one of the things that had been ingrained in me so deeply that I really struggle to get over it. The church (at least in my life) paints all men outside the church as sex-crazed pot-heads who party and drink and live La Vida Loca. I don't date much (or at all, really) and never any non-members, so I'm still scared of what it'll be like once I take the big step. The Church could be right and I'll be alone forever. Who knows? But I'm really hoping it's wrong.

  3. I used to think if i had sex that would be the end too. No mormon boy would ever want me. The church makes woman feel worthless if they have had sex. For men they just slipped up. I have heard many cautionary tails about woman who slip up and have sex and lose everything. But i'm learning thats not true. Me being a virgin is no big thing and once i do have sex the highly anticipated act will most likely fall short of my expectations. I may do a post all about sex from an educational perspective. I think it would be helpful to some of my readers. But i will have to have it first:)

  4. Have you ever seen ABC's show What Would You Do? They came to Utah and did an interesting segment about a couple about to be married, and one or the other finds out their betrothed isn't a virgin. You might be interested--outsiders' takes on the strict law of chastity. What's funny is that this might seem exaggerated, but is 100% realistic. Sad.

    Here's a link to a short clip of it, but I remember the actual segment being longer.

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