“I’m sorry you don’t feel like you fit in at BYU. Yeah you are loud and funny but that is the
best part of you. You deserve to marry a
nice guy who is a MEMBER of the CHURCH. Do not settle for
anything less.“
I really can’t imagine
anything worse now. Don’t get me
wrong. Mormon boys can be
sweethearts. But the expectations of
being married to a Mormon are very high.
If you want to have kids…forget it.
You will have too many opposing ideas. Even many liberal Mormons still
hold on to guilt about the way they live there life. I’m slightly afraid of Mormon boys now. I
would be very conflicted if I fell for one. Mormons are afraid of that too. So many times I was taught you should never
date someone who is not a member of the church, you might fall in love. Oddly enough both Mormons and post-Mormons
feel sorry for one another.
I’m learning to respect my friends wishes to stay in the church
and never learn the history. I want to
shake everyone you know and yell “STOP! OPEN YOUR EYES! CAN’T YOU SEE YOU HAVE
BEEN DOOPED?” Mormons have been taught
to never ever question the church outside the church. They believe all on faith. When I tell them my findings they always ask “What
are your sources?” I always want to
shoot back “What are yours? I could list
at least 20 accredited Documentarians, Writers, Biographers, Anthropologist, and
Historian’s. Many of whom were
Mormon. You have one source…the church.” But most of them are happy. I don’t want to take that away from
them. It’s because I love them that I want
them to be informed. What if someday
after they are married they learn about the Book of Abraham, or Joes wife’s and
lose it! I know I would have. Thank God I
never got married. Now I can really find myself. The prophets are correct about one thing. If you ever study Mormonism outside of the
approved sources it will ruin your life for a while. Finding out the truth was absolutely
devastating.
I used to know what my life would be like. After achieving my
dream of being an amazing something in NYC I would meet a lovely Mormon boy. We would be sealed in the temple. We would move to the suburbs and buy a little house. I would be a stay at home
mom for a while. I would have the perfect family with my priesthood holding
husband, my future missionary son, and my virtuous daughter. We would raise our kids to memorize BOM
stories, pay tithing, and bare testimonies.
I would work in Young Woman’s as a teacher and impart my wisdom onto children
about loving God, chastity, and finding yourself. When I got older I would serve a mission with
my husband. We would be old and in love
and everything would be wonderful. Now when I think of my future... Maybe I’ll work at Starbucks and get drunk
every weekend. I’ll get a tattoo of a skull
on my lower back and take up Larping. Maybe I’ll marry a duck dynasty look
alike. He will smoke cigars and we will
live in an abandon barn. Maybe he will cheat on me and I will only see our meth
head son on the weekends.
Why do I think this way?
I’m not Mormon, not insane! There is so much opportunity for me to build
the life I want. I can meet people who will enjoy my company. I’m a smart woman and I can take care of
myself. It’s nice to know that I’m not settling. Settling for someone who will find fault with everything I do. Judge me for not enjoying three hour church. The restrictions of whom and how I love are gone! If anything I’ve ensured myself a genuine shot
at happiness because I can be myself. There are so many good people out there who build you up not tear you down. Maybe
the key is not to envision your future, but to welcome it. Focus on the things I love and build a community
with people who share my interests. Sure
there is no guarantee Happy Ever After... but was there ever?
I always hated that quote/comment: "Don't date outside the church. You might fall in love." Might dad told me that allll the time. "You can choose to make your life hard or easy. Dating a nonmember will make it hard."
ReplyDelete0_0 I married a nevermo. I couldn't be happier with my decision.
That is one of the things that had been ingrained in me so deeply that I really struggle to get over it. The church (at least in my life) paints all men outside the church as sex-crazed pot-heads who party and drink and live La Vida Loca. I don't date much (or at all, really) and never any non-members, so I'm still scared of what it'll be like once I take the big step. The Church could be right and I'll be alone forever. Who knows? But I'm really hoping it's wrong.
ReplyDeleteI used to think if i had sex that would be the end too. No mormon boy would ever want me. The church makes woman feel worthless if they have had sex. For men they just slipped up. I have heard many cautionary tails about woman who slip up and have sex and lose everything. But i'm learning thats not true. Me being a virgin is no big thing and once i do have sex the highly anticipated act will most likely fall short of my expectations. I may do a post all about sex from an educational perspective. I think it would be helpful to some of my readers. But i will have to have it first:)
ReplyDeleteHave you ever seen ABC's show What Would You Do? They came to Utah and did an interesting segment about a couple about to be married, and one or the other finds out their betrothed isn't a virgin. You might be interested--outsiders' takes on the strict law of chastity. What's funny is that this might seem exaggerated, but is 100% realistic. Sad.
ReplyDeletehttp://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2012/03/bride-lies-about-virginity-should-mormon-husband-still-marry-her/
Here's a link to a short clip of it, but I remember the actual segment being longer.