Ah here it is. Another post attempting to tackle the ever present question we all ask ourselves, “What is the meaning of life?” I'm here sitting at my desk completely angry, frustrated and stressed. Maybe it’s the newly started birth control I’m on because, according to my sister, being "pro-choice" is not a sufficient form of contraception. Perhaps I am blinded by the light at the end of this long-ass tunnel. Whatever the reason, I keep trying to catch the meaning of my existence. After a perfect storm of stressful downfalls from work I found myself too upset to cry. That coupled with a very stressful moving process and a woman who decided to just be mean to me for no reason, I have become a stoic and un-feeling representation of myself. I guess it’s a lot to expect I will always be happy. But when I am in an emotional tailspin it is good to not only get out of it but also figure out why I have fallen so fast from being happy. In times like this I am reminded of my favorite inspirational thought. If you have not seen this video please watch it. It's a comedic poem that so perfectly illustrates "the meaning of life".
"Isn't this enough? Just this world, beautiful...complex...wonderfully unfathomable natural world. How does it so fail to hold our attention that we have to diminish it with cheap man made myths and monsters."
I truly have had an extraordinary life. I was raised in a ‘ma and pa’ Ice-cream shop with the most amazing family a gal could want. I was able to experience the fame of Hollywood through my sister Julie on the “Real World.” I have played major roles in massive musical productions. I have traveled all over the states, lived in the city that never sleeps. I've backpacked through Europe and stood in awe of the never ending wonders. I have loved, lost loves and repeated the process time and again. And now, in the wake of the earth shattering discovery about the church being wrong, I'm able to start again. It’s almost as though I get to try two lifetimes. Not only that, but I have more appreciation for the freedom I have than most Americans have had all their lives. Why just this morning I spilled coffee on my paycheck. The paper turned that foggy brown color of coffee-soaked paper and I realized it was the first time I have ever spilled coffee on something.
So, when I find myself down, I ask myself "Isn't this enough?" Whatever stresses I experience at my job or unpleasant people who cross my path I've created a life for myself, full of caring people who will help me move on from my past (or in some cases, just move.) From one apartment to the next. One job to the next. From one friend to the next. From one adventure to the next. One life filled with nexts. Maybe the meaning in life is just to see what will happen next.