Congratulations to me! I have been sexual active for about 5 months. I recently crossed into a new realm of sexual enjoyment, and I’m going to tell you all about it…aww yeah!
Alex and I clicked. (See: Outliers) Finding a guy who understood my ex-religious turmoil was rare. Since he was still in the closet as an ex-catholic, he related well to me. Not only do I find him fiendishly attractive, but I also really like his personality. He genuinely makes me laugh, we have many common interests and he seems like an all-around good guy. But there was a tiny road block standing between us. Sex. You see, at this point I have had sex with two men. Both Dahan and Brian were nice enough guys, however, the only part about them I really cared for was the part between their legs. Though I was having sex with them, I kept both men at arm’s length. I wouldn't spend the night and purposely had an air mattress so an overnight guest would be impossible. Our “dates” usually started as a movie but would quickly turn to banging, and then going home. And that just fine with me.
So, needless to say, my walls shot straight up with Alex. We didn’t even kiss for about a week. One night we stayed up till about 3:00 in the morning just talking.
“Well I better get going.” I said.
“If you want you could stay the night?” replied Alex, and although there was no expectation in his voice, I knew what overnight meant and grabbed my keys.
Later that week I stopped by again. Alex made the first move by putting his arm around me. Then, when the sexual tension was too much to bear, Alex went in for the kill. We began making out hard. But then Alex’s hands migrated down to the zipper on my blue jeans. I jumped off the couch and left Alex in the push up stance.
“You okay?” he asked,
“Yeah, I just think I had better get going.” I said. His face was complete confusion so I figured I had better explain. “Sorry I really want to…you know…do all that….stuff, but it’s just that I actually find you really attractive.” I said apologetically.
Alex's head fell with disappointment for a moment and then looked back at me even more confused than before. “Wait, what?”
“Yeah is just that I like you so I don’t think we should do anything…you know…” I said
“I’m sorry I just don’t understand…you like me? You find me attractive? And for that reason you don’t want to have sex?”
“Right.” I affirmed, relived he understood. “Whelp! I better get going.” And with that I yet again left him sitting alone on his couch.
A few days later Alex came over. It did not take long for me to jump on top of him and force my mouth on his mouth. He smelled so good and his short, sexy beard grazed the tender skin of my neck. I was digging my lips into his and thrusting my pelvis. Back and forth and back and -Suddenly Alex slapped his hand to his forehead, “I don’t understand how this is any different from having sex.” He said (almost to himself.)
I instantly curled up into a ball at one end of the couch. I didn't know what to say. I was scared. We talked about it and I guess I said something that sort of made sense. Alex seemed okay with my reason for not popping out my ta tas. But…as I was sitting looking at him a phrase from my good friend Devin came to mind.
“Look, you are going to make mistakes, but that’s how you learn. You can’t live your life afraid that you’ll screw up. If you do that, you might as well go back to church.”
I took a moment to collect my thoughts. I did like this guy. I wanted to have sex with him for the enjoyment of it. I guess I was just worried that I would instantly fall in love with him, and I knew I couldn’t control if he was one of those guys who just want to bang me and then never talk to me again. I knew it was highly likely he would be this way due to the fact that he was not a Mormon and we all know how “devious” any non-Mormon man is when it comes to sex! But, if he was willing to stick around this long, maybe he actually wasn’t an evil sex fiend. With the conclusion of that thought I popped my shirt off and he chased me into the bedroom where we, eventually, had really great sex. It actually didn't take too long. Just about a half an hour of me lying face down on my air mattress in my underwear scared shitless and then another half hour where I learned that not all penises are created equal.
Some are much… much…bigger.
Alex and I are, to my surprise, still seeing each other. He is not bored with me just because he fucked me. I did not “fall in love” with him. In fact, the next morning I almost felt indifferent to him. Sure, I still liked him, but if he never called again I knew would move on. The sex was good and I was glad I at least got to...how you say..."tap that.”
So what have I learned from all this you may ask? I learned that waiting to have sex until your wedding night is a gamble. You are giving your hormones too much power in the situation. It’s better to get the sex straightened out so you can focus on the more important aspects of your relationship. Maybe if it gets really serious you’ll deflate the small air mattress and get a real queen size bed for two.