Sunday, March 23, 2014

The Sherlock Tea Party

“I drink coffee now…sort of…well… okay I drink hot water from the coffee machine.  But it’s a start!” I told my co-worker.  Zach just turned his head and laughed.

“Be careful with that stuff.  Water is addictive.”

People of the world really cannot comprehend a life without coffee.   It is their life blood morning, noon, and afternoon.  I was born with the gift of an over abundance of energy.   My to do list is usually very long and mostly un-necessary. 

#1 go to work and stay late for no reason
#2 go to gym to watch dancing with the stars
#3 Go to board game store for chess set.
 #4 Go to another store and compare chess sets. 
#5 Go on line a look at chess sets.
#6 Go to Walmart and just buy the exact chess set you saw on step #1 for 2 bucks less.
#7 Cook a casserole

I’m not sure I could handle an energy boost.  I might end up buying 5 board games and cooking a four course meal for one.  I figured I should give coffee another try because it is SOOO in these days.  I got jittery.  I found that my hand would not stop shaking.  I was talking at an alarmingly fast rate, and I think my eye was twitching because I got some very interesting looks from my customers.   So no, coffee is not my jam.  I have to say I’m grateful for that.  I wonder if it’s just me or if other defective Mormons share my un-caffeinated life style.  Anyone?  

Regardless of whether I need it I’m going to enjoy it.  Not often but on special occasion.  A few weeks ago I decided to throw a tea party.  When my grandmother was moving out of her home I begged her to give me her beautiful silver tea set.  She was going to give it to my uncle who would set it on a shelf and never look at it again.

“Honey, you don’t even drink tea.” She said.

“No grandma.” I confided in her,  “I’m leaving Mormonism…forever! In fact I even snuck some alcohol from your wine cellar!” (see: My first Attempt at Alcoholism)
“Is that so!  Well congratulations sweetie.  I’m proud of you” She said.  My grandma  kicks ass.

So now 9 months later it was time to put the tea set to good use.  I invited all my no-mo friends over to watch the new episode of Sherlock and told them I would provide biscuits and tea!  I was so excited to go and buy Tea!  I danced down the aisle picking up box after box.  I read the labels and literally held them in the air and waved them around when I found one I like. I must have bought at lest 7 different Teas.  I’m sure people thought "That woman has a serious Tea addition" as they watched me pecking about the Tea.  I was going to throw a real tea party and I must say it was a jolly good time!

I wish I could convince my mom to drink coffee.   She is in her 60’s and still works like she is in her 20’s.  Every day she drinks a gallon of Diet Coke.  Her teeth are riddled with cavities.  I’m sure all those sugars and chemicals are doing wonders for her health.   But she will not listen to me.  It's thoughts like this that bring me back to harsh reality.  Seeing how the church hurts the ones I love. A dead con-artist has convinced her caffeine is a sin.  She will look down on those in line at Starbucks and say “oh I’m so glad I don’t have that problem” then pick up her large Coke no ice and be on her way.   I’m not sure when I will lose the pep in my step but it’s nice to know that coffee will be there for me when I do.


  1. I drink coffee from time to time in the afternoon if I'm dragging. I kind of like the taste. Just don't want to get addicted to it any more than I want an addiction to soft drinks or any more than I want to be an alcoholic.

    That's my personal word of wisdom. I drink and enjoy all three moderately and try to stay healthy via exercise and good diet.

    Actually, I should add that I've severely limited my alcohol intake recently. Realizing that my tendency is toward feeling low, I don't need lots of depressants. I have a never Mo friend who stopped drinking completely and has been telling me all the benefits of her abstinence with more zeal than I ever heard from a TBM. Why? Because she is coming from a position of actual self thought out wisdom rather than some externally imposed standard.