Friday, March 11, 2016

Blessing in Disguise

So hear is a question for you. What would you do if you got very ill...and not just a flu or an upset truly awful "do I need to make a will?" ill.  Your parents arrange for you to get a priesthood blessing.  What do you do?  

When my mother told me she had contacted some Mormons in my town to give a blessing there was a large part of me that wanted to say "No thanks.  I already rubbed a magic onion on my head."  But when the word tumor is floating around Doctors offices you tend to back off form biting remarks.  Did I believe that a priesthood blessing would stop whatever was happening in my head?  No, tho I really wished it would. I admit I  wanted to get back to God simply so I would not feel sick. I wished I had drowns of Mormons to come over and make me dinner, and talk to me, and tell me some dude in the sky was going to make everything okay.

I decided to let my parent arrange a blessing for me.  My sister came over with her husband and an old family friend.  It was really nice to see how much my family cared about me. I felt a little awkward participating in a blessing.  They asked me who I wanted to say the main blessing and I wanted to say "My Sister!"  How cool would that be for me to totally shake the establishment and have a woman give the main--Ouch oh i'm in pain!...  It's hard to be rebellious and desperate at the same time.  

I did really enjoy the comfort that came with the laying on of hands. People visiting me and asking me how I was feeling.  Knowing my family was doing everything they could to keep me together. Helping me with food, cleaning, Doctor appointments, and anything else I needed.  They were there fighting with me God or no God. 

Thankfully the white light at the end of the tunnel was just a tiny doctor flashlight.  I did not die of a brain tumor and after 7 months of doctors and drugs I'm back. 
I think there is nothing wrong with letting your family support you in their own way. However, it did open a door.  Yesterday some ass stole my guitar out of my car.  The guitar I have had since I was a teen.  My most sentimental possession. I called my Mother crying.  I was a mess.  Right there over the phone my mother insisted we pray that it is found.  She stared praying while I frantically ran around my apartment.  I was really annoyed. Like I was a 5 year old being told to say a prayer.   

Turns out the "ass" who stole my guitar found it outside a bar and figured out my name, and gave it to the bar manager who was holding it for me...soooo yeah.  I am the ass who forgot to put it in my car.  My boyfriend Alex was the one who recommend I retrace my steps and call the bar.  When I called my mom relived the Guitar had been found my mom said "Well it's a good thing we prayed". That annoyed me more.

 I said it was a good thing JJ told me to call. My mom and I went back and for trying to figure out who really found my guitar?  Was it me? Was it JJ?  Was it God? Deep in my heart I know who found it.  The credit goes to a mysterious man I have never seen before. He might have a beard, and might even ware sandals.  One thing I know for sure... he likes Christie's Bar and Grill.   

So hear is my question.  Can you allow yourself to get a blessing one day and then argue that God doesn't exist the next?  I don't regret letting my parents get me a blessing, but have I opened an annoying God door I can not close?  I know thinking you are going to die and losing a guitar has a slightly different elements of urgency.  How do you balance sticking to your beliefs against keeping the peace? 

1 comment:

  1. Good to hear you're ok again.

    As for your question regarding accepting a blessing and then denying gods, well.. Anything that makes you feel comfortable, and I literally mean you! Not your folks, but you especially when you're sick. Anxiety elevates blood pressure and releases stress hormones in your blood stream and neither of those effects are good for recovery.

    As for balancing with my beliefs (or the lack of) to keep the peace.. well I don't. My dad is an a-hole TBM, so I don't communicate with him at all just for the because the fact that I'm sick and tired of his continuous attemps to manipulate and lack of respect for my choices. Besides my dad only my half sister and half brother are attending chuch and with them I don't bring up religious subject on the discussion. Only if they bring the subject up I might engage in 1-on-1 conversations, but never when there are several attending church goers around. On 1-on-1 they can be actually quite reasonable sometimes as then they don't need to maintain their appearances for the rest of the mormons in the room. Also 1-on-1 they are not suffering from peer pressure from the group. Having had a few such conversations I've found out that the willingness of believing church goers to initiate such has been reduced and such conversations are not common anymore, but there is still the ever present silent tension between us as people are pretending everything is ok.

    So no, I don't know how to maintain the peace with mutual respect. I doubt whether it is even possible, but I've heard some former mormons claim to have managed to do that.