Dinner and a Show

What do you do when you are sitting in a crowded restaurant with your parents, who are probing you for information about your sex life, and suddenly you father yells at the top of his lungs, “What if you get pregnant?” I’ll tell you what you don’t do.  You don’t do nothing.  You stand your ground and yell, “Dad it is none of your Goddamn business!”  Then you grab your coat and get out of there before security shows up.  

Yes!  That did happen to me last night. How did you guess?  I have spent a day and a half absolutely disgusted with my father.  I’m learning in the real world it is considered rude to ask someone, “when are you getting married?”, “Why don’t you have kids”, and “Tell me about you sex life.” Not so in the Mormon community.  These are all perfectly acceptable question of any person at any stage in their life.   Mormons are always nosing around in each other’s business.

“Did you see Brother Badapple not take sacrament this week?  They better send him on a mission fast.”

“I saw Sister Totesguilty come out of the bishops office crying. Looks like she is not going on the temple trip.”

MIND YOU OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS…*Cough*…excuse me.  I remember one time, while I was in the gooey transition between Mormon and not so Mormon, sitting in the back seat of a car with one of these judgment sweethearts. She was ranking which men in the ward were “steller” priesthood holders and which were lazy and unworthy priesthood holders. 

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“Brother Kissass and Brother Noseynice are stellar worthy priesthood holders but Brother Latetochurch and Brother Forgotatie are not.  They just don’t have enough good stuff, you know?”

Here are men giving 10% of their money, 40% percent of their time, and 100% of their sexuality to the church and they are still sub-par priesthood holders.  The sad truth is, no one is ever good enough in church and you will be told this for the rest of your life.

This is where boundaries are so important.  (See: Coming out the IKEA Mormon closet) Your family and many of your friends will judge you. They will ask you those inappropriate questions and will be shocked if you tell them to nose out.  They will even tell you that YOU are the one being crazy.  My parent looked at me like my outburst came out of nowhere.  Granted there are better ways to handle yourself then resorting to a shouting match.   They cannot understand how prying into their daughter’s sex life in the middle of a Chilis is inappropriate.  You have to look at them like you would children.  They are socially inbred and don’t know what they are saying.  In the church’s eyes, sex outside marriage and murder are the same level of sin.  So, in my parent’s minds they are the homicide detective for God…yeah…and I’m the crazy one.

I’m unsure how to deal with my mother and father’s complete lack of propriety.  I think it may be time for me to write The Letter.  Every Ex-Mormon has to write a “The Letter” at some point explaining why they are no longer mormon. I thought I had a good enough relationship with my parent to avoid “The Letter.”  Apparently not.  I have no idea where began with writing “The Letter.”  Any advice in the comment section is welcome.  

One thing that is hard to remember in all this confusion is you’re out and you are going to be okay.  People will try to suck you back into the Mormon drama.  Don’t let them do it.