Elna Baker

Today I was planing on writing a chipper piece about the finality of life and how all things eventually come to a terrifying end.  But as I was trolling Youtube I came a crossed this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0uL_CKL9wg

  ...and was deeply deeply saddened.  I'm not sure why I clicked on this link. Was it because I have always had a fondness for the storytelling art form?  No of course not.  God wanted me to click on this link and remember how I used to be...a sad and lonely Mormon girl, completely isolated from the world. 

The link is a funny story from Moth Storytellers about a Mormon Girl. She describes what is is like being a Mormon in the big apple. In the story she tells the  story of buying a sexy lacy slip and only imaging some day she could ware this in front of a boy. She meets an amazing man who she clearly has a strong connection too.  However, he is an atheist. As you can imagine the relationship falls apart.  She insists he turn to God and he can't. 

There is a part in the story where she recognizes the end is coming. She comically described her wearing the lacy slip in front of him.  The mental battle of wanting love and wanting Mormonism was supposed to be funny but just made my stomach turn.  I was a 25 yr old virgin living in the NYC.  I used to think I was saying "yes" by saying 'no".  I used to settle for men I sort of like so I could keep my standards.  I used to buy sexy underwear thinking no one would ever see them.  I used to identify myself as "A Mormon".  Everything in my life revolved around my sister of Zion identity.  Joseph Smith was a bad man and it was painful learning about the filthy roots of the church.  But the most damaging part of the Mormon faith was how the church infused itself into the fabric of what makes you YOU.  I could see as she spoke how her love of the church was sustained by her fear of living without it.    

Her story of trying to seduces her Boyfriend, and failing miserably, reminded me of the first times I attempted to have sex...and failed miserably...

Her story has reminded me how lucky I was to get out when I did. I saw my own cognitive dissonance and had the presence of mind to leave the Mormon Faith. Yes! There are still single sad Mormon woman out there.  but they are not me. I got out. They have a choice to leave and they choose not to.   I need to just forget people like her.  Blindly giving up every-hang on...Wait a Minute...Hold please...

BREAKING NEWS!  Elna Baker left the church. A woman I just barely learned about saw her own cognitive dissonance and has had the presence of mind to leave the Mormon Faith. Phew!

 So apparently this girl is living her dream.  After a little Facebook stalking I found out she still lives in NYC and works in the arts AND we have six mutual friends! Now that i think of it I'm pretty sure I met her briefly at a church activity.  I remember her telling me the story of getting matching black eyes with a boy on a movie set. 

She made it out.  I guess there is hope for Sisters of Zion living outside the temple box.    

Here is a link to her story...
http://www.rookiemag.com/2012/04/losing-my-religio/