My First Attempt at Alcoholism

“Grandma it is way past 8.  You should be a sleep,” I thought.  once the light clicked off I crept downstairs.  I didn't want a lot.  Just a taste.  The lights were all off downstairs but I knew where it was. My dad was asleep and my mother was not there.  It was the perfect crime. I had been planning it all day. Waiting for the right moment.   I was not sure exactly what Marlow was but I knew it was a forbidden fermented fruit.  I am slightly humiliated that at the age of 26 I had to break into my grandmas liquor cabinet.   Being Mormon you never even touch the stuff.  Like Indiana Jones I methodically made my way down the stairs.  Hopping over the stair that creaked. Tip toeing to the light switch.  Trying to avoid the dog.  There it was. Marlow. What is it?  I had no idea but it was red and there was a lot of it.  It towered over the counter like an ancient roman artifact. I quietly snatch the wine glass down from the ceiling. I poured myself a glass. Barely any really. I smelled it. It smelt fantastic! I had never smelled anything so sweet and biting. I poured a little more.  I drop spilled on the counter and I panicked!  Though it was the size of a nickel I imagined it would burn into the hard wood floor. The game would be up.   I could hear movement upstairs.  I raced for a paper towel. I couldn't leave any evidence.   Who knows what would have happened if my Dad caught me.  After I put the cap on I rushed to the stairs. I stopped suddenly. Two dead eyes pierced from a pale face. I knew it! I’m toast. It was the cat! She knew what I had done.  From where I stood she looked like one of the fallen devils.  "You don't understand cat!" I thought, " All your friends drink milk!"

 I flew up the stairs careful not to spill.  I know red wine stains because I have seen so in infomercials.  I sat on my bed and stared at the drink. It sat, and sat, and sat untouched.  I couldn't do it. I just couldn't bring myself too.  You see drinking that glass of wine was not just a glass of wine.  It was me turning my back on everything I have ever known. Drinking this would make me a sinner.  A lush in the Mormon world.   I am a good Mormon.  And good Mormons just believes. I took my glass of Marlow that I had worked so hard for and poured it down the drain.  One day at a time I thought. One day at a time. 

Start Here

 I’ve been a “good Mormon” all my life.   I have honestly held a temple recommend for the majority of my life. Everyone of my friends is Mormon so no temptation’s to do what I was not supposed to do.  I attended BYU the “Mormon meet up and Marry” school.  I never drank alcohol or coffee. Never smoked a thing.  Never.  I’ve never look at anything pornographic, never masturbated(not sure I even know how too), never taken my cloth off when I was kissing a guy.  Never dated a guy who was not Mormon.  Never dated a guy who did not serve a mission. Never let a guy touch my anywhere private (bathing suit area), I have never even seen a Man’s Wing-wong. (not even a good hard look at a photo) Never read Ant-Mormon literature.  Never Never Never.  

You see when you lived your whole life this way you are rather disarmed to the world.  “Live in the world but not of the world.” I've only seen the world from behind glass. You can’t leave, or you try to leave and it over whelms you and you come back.  It wasn't until about 1 month ago that something clicked in me.  I experience something that lead me to wonder Why...?   I finally, after 26 years, did my homework about the church.  

This blog starts here and moves up.  The next post can be found on the side bar.  It is called "my First Attempt at Alcoholism". It is under the month of April.